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CindyP
Guest
Feb 21, 2018 at 10:28
Post 1
Grieving Vote for this post

This is my first time on this site.  It was recommended to me by a friend.  Three days ago we lost our baby dog Charlie the Cairn.  I am so completely devastated and don't know how to deal with this.  Charlie was 13 years old and came to us as a puppy.  It was at a time in our lives when our kids were almost fully grown, in fact our son was off to college.  He became like our third child.  He had the personality of 10 dogs and loved to snuggle with me every night.  I could hold him in my arms and rub his belly and he would sleep.  We have never bonded with another dog the way we did with him.  Because I work from home I spent every day with him by my side.  And we had our routine down.  Mostly set by Charlie as you all know, it's a Cairn's world.  He gave me a purpose.  A focus.  Now what is my purpose?  Our kids are now adults and we have no grandchildren to focus these mothering feelings on.  I have no desire for another dog right now as my heart is just so broken.  What is haunting me is seeing his sweet little face as he was carried out of the room we were in at the Vets office to be put to sleep.  He was a very sick little boy.  But we thought we were there to help him.  Never ever did we think we were not bringing him back home with us.  As I stood there sobbing, holding his leash....did he think he was coming home?  Was he scared?  Did he think his Mom and Dad were coming back?  I can't seem to get past these images and questions and it is torturing me.  Can anyone help???


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robin and presley
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Feb 21, 2018 at 11:18
• Sandi
(Nebraska)

Post 5717

Re: Grieving Vote for this post Reply to this Message Reply with a quote

Hi Cindy, welcome.  I am very sorry for your loss of your little boy.  We here at the TC have all been through it.  Know that Charlie went  to the rainbow bridge, where he was met by all of our furkids who went before him. know that he has been restored to good health.


Grieving is a part  of healing, it is good to grieve, but remember the good times you had with him.  It will take time, but know that you will meet again.


come here when ever you feel like talking we are always here for you.


god bless you and little Charlie


sandi robin Presley and buster at the bridge


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Willie
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Feb 21, 2018 at 11:42
• Theo
(Ontario, Canada)

Post 3315

Re: Grieving Vote for this post Reply to this Message Reply with a quote

Dear Cindy... my deepest condolences to you and your family.  I know how very deep the pain of losing your Charlie must be, I have buried five dearly beloved westies and have suffered through the pain you are feeling now with each one of them. 

One thing you must think about is how Charlie was suffering and you did the one thing that was most important to him, you ended his suffering and freed him from the pain. That is always the most difficult thing to do but you did it for him. Think about what a wonderful life he had with you, one full of love, so many animals do not know that in their lives.

Charlie was your world, he gave you unconditional love through the years and that is something your heart will find so hard to live without. I think what makes it so painful is that they cannot talk to us, to tell us what they feel so we are left with all the 'what ifs'. Please do not burden your heart with that, Charlie would not want you to, and he would be so thankful that he had such a loving Mom to set him free.

When the time comes for you to consider getting another dog, you would be honoring Charlies memory by giving a loving home to another and Charlie would want you to. He will be watching over you from Rainbow Bridge, your guardian angel forever. Bringing another dog into your life is not replacing Charlie, he is not replaceable, but giving your love to another will help your heart to heal, and Charlie would want that, he would not want you to suffer from his loss, he would want you to be happy and share your heart with another. He will always have a place in your heart and although he took a piece of your heart with him, he knows your heart is big enough to love another. My last loss was Casey, he crossed over the Bridge unexpectedly in July of 2014 and I still miss him so very much. Two years ago I adopted Willie and I love him to pieces, he has not removed my love for Casey from my heart, or my memories of him, but he has helped me heal and love again.

We are here for you. Share some photos or stories of your Charlie, it will help too
warm hugs, Theo and Willie xox


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Willie
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Feb 21, 2018 at 12:16
• Theo
(Ontario, Canada)

Post 3317

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For you Cindy

https://www.facebook.com/starbrightangels.angels/videos/1643979142358081/

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Willie
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Feb 21, 2018 at 12:32
• Theo
(Ontario, Canada)

Post 3318

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Sorry, here it is on Youtube 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwyxmR4VFwY

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Deb, Emmie and Angel Kelsie
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Feb 21, 2018 at 12:22
• Deborah
(Pennsylvania)

Post 9387

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CindyP, my heart is breaking for you as the tears roll down my face. So many of us have been where you are now. Our pups are so much a part of us and they take a chunk of our hearts with them when they leave us. It sounds like he was suffering badly and you gave him the ultimate gift of love--freedom from all the pain. Focus on all the good memories you have of him and know that he is once again young and healthy, running at Rainbow Bridge with so many other much loved pups. When and if the time is right for you to share your heart and home with another dog, you will know it. Till then, take the time to grieve and know that we are here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. 
Love, Deb, Emmie, and Angel Kelsie

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Mary
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Feb 21, 2018 at 16:44
• Mary
(New Jersey)

Post 246

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Cindy The one thing I can tell you is that you loved him enough to let him go.  I had to make that decision in August.  I still miss her but know that I didn't want her to suffer.

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NimbySue
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Feb 21, 2018 at 17:10
(United Kingdom)
Post 17000

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Cindy,I am so very sorry for you losing Charlie,all the reply's here are the words I have wanted to say to you,We have lost all my 4 cairns and our Border collie and have loved them all so much and it will always remain  that way even though they are not here on this earth,after I lost one of my Cairn boys,he came back in a way for 3 nights to let me know he had crossed over the Rainbow Bridge and the same with our Border collie she gave us a special sign we knew she had crossed and was out of pain and zooming happy once more watching over us all....There will be something that ...you may see or hear or even a small incident that will occur and it will be your Dear Charlie letting you know he has crossed over and saying Hi and Thank you for getting him out of  his pain,feel free to email or pm me if you want about  anything here I have said,I had put on here before how I knew the signs....it kept me going and helped me get through the grief....I still have bad moments of missing them all...even though my first cairn was 18 yrs ago when we lost Little Gremmie....you will find yourself in shock and so very upset  at this moment from Charlie leaving ..but he will understand and  be watching over you and like all Cairns he would not want you to be without another one one day when you feel it is right,Cairns are Cairns and love company...there will always be another one  wanting a loving happy home.Please know we all understand here what you are going through..sometimes I have sobbed so much  in days I cannot believe  any tears could be left...When you feel  you can it would be nice to see a picture of Charlie ,I have photos all over the house of all my cairns,I still have Dear NimbySue but she is getting older now and will be 16 this year and we have Andrew a Rescue West Highland white ....Please keep in touch I know from the past that everyone here has helped and supported me so much when I have had to say goodbye to my own Puppers...we have no children at all and our dogs have always been our life ....Soft Hugs to you and Sweet Kisses blown to Charlie from us all..Love Annie NimbySue and Andrew xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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CindyP
Guest
Feb 21, 2018 at 18:24
Post 2
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Thank you so much for all your kind words.  You just never think anyone could possibly love their dog as much as we loved Charlie, but I know that's not true.  I have cried a little less today but I think I'm just trying to hold them in more today because my eyes are so swelled up and hurt that I need to give them a rest.  I ate a little for the first time in three days so I guess that's a start.  I had to put all his toys away and his dishes as I can't stand to look at them knowing his not coming back to play.  Then I question whether I did it too soon.  I question everything.  All the Vets we took him too and whether they could have saved him had they done the right tests.  All the pills we had to cram down his throat because he wouldn't eat.  I hate it.  I hate that we did it because that's what they told us to do.  And he tried so hard to drink water and broth and wanted so badly to eat, but he couldn't.  He just wanted to please us.  But he was sick and felt bad.  He never yelped or whimpered even when we picked him up to snuggle.  It's just so incredibly hard to get through the day as the house is so quiet and lifeless.  I appreciate everyone's support and stories.  I'm hoping it will help me get through it as people keep telling me to write it down and talk about it.

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NimbySue
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Feb 22, 2018 at 03:22
(United Kingdom)
Post 17001

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Hello Cindy,Yes its helps so much to talk about it and to know others go through the same,Emma our Border collie and Ellie our Lovely Cairn we lost last and even though it was 3 and 7 years ago I can be anywhere at all and all of a sudden the tears will start,I always say if we did not go through these emotions it would mean we did not love them with our whole heart.
We are all different and I still have all their old toys and leads, I know just what you mean when we question everything,The vets ..the medication..whether we did enough...whether we kept them going just for us too long ..or if we let them go too soon...we have buried al ours and even after their funerals for days all I wanted to do was get them back up and hug them and hope they would come back...of course I never would do that but its a natural emotion to want them back but in my heart I knew that they had gone to another life and were out of pain and zooming once again..its hard to bear I know,when I lost my Cairn boy I had always threatened to him I would have him stuffed and put on wheels or make a hat out of his tail..only in humour and would never do that but he ,as you know being a Cairn was such a character and full of fun,he was by my side longer than I had my own father in my life..he was a wheaten colour,all my other cairns have been a dark grey brindle,if you look on Erics photo album here you will see lots of pictures of my cairns and border collie..its good you have started to eat,I was like that but then we had other puppers to look after and I did not want them upset.The days and weeks will be hard  for you and the nights are worse going through everything  in your mind that has happened but hard as it sounds it will get easier  and whichever way helps you get through ,you do it and take no notice of anyone  who says negative things to you,my family were never very supportive of my loss that I felt....Come here each day if it helps,we are always supportive to each other  and maybe one day you can join..perhaps in time with another patter of Cairn claws!!..you will never have another Charlie but there will always be another Cairn or  different breed with that cheeky personality to bond with you once again.Big Hugs to you Love from Annie and Gang xxxx

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CindyP
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Feb 22, 2018 at 11:46
Post 3
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Thank you for your message Annie and gang.  I have been able to take something from each message but yours seems to really understand exactly how I'm feeling. I too have had thoughts of stuffing Charlie and having him beside me.  My head tells me that is creepy and weird and what sane person would even have these thoughts?  But grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts that we would never normally think out of desperation and pain.  Thank you for having the courage to even say it.  I kept praying and hoping that the Vet would call me on Monday and say that they made a mistake and read the results wrong and that Charlie was alive, but of course that didn't happen.  Charlie was Wheaton and one of the cutest Cairns we had ever seen.  We went to see him completely on a whim 11 months after losing our Beagle. Our Beagle, Holly, was more or less just a pet. We loved her, but she loved to run away and never had any toys because she didn't like to play or snuggle at all.  So we didn't have that intense of a bond.  So when they brought Charlie down the stairs to meet us at 12 weeks old, we were goners.If he would have said...write the check for 10,000.00, we would have said..where do we sign.  He was a little orphan boy.  His doggie parents AND his human parents were murdered by the parents son who was looking for money in a little small town.  They were brethren people and the puppies were in the basement untouched.  Charlie was the last one.  We were so blessed to be able to love and care for him when he didn't have a very good start.  I don't know how to post pictures on here but I would love for you all to see him sometime.  I hope one day we will smile again and think about how much fun we had without this incredible amount of sadness and pain because he's not here anymore.  Cairns are the best breed in the world and I swear he could read our minds.  Thank you all for letting me share my story and for listening and messaging and your continued support.  I feel a bond with all of you because of this breed.  God bless you all.

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Riley
Member PageMember Page
Feb 22, 2018 at 07:17
• allen
(New Jersey)

Post 367

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Cindy what you are feeling we all have experienced.

We all loved our furbabies and they are planted deep n our hearts. I am sure Charlie is running free at Rainbow Bridge and has many new friends there.
Charlie new just how ill he was and is pain free. I had to send several buddies to the bridge over the years and I still miss them and try to remember all the happy times we had.
I hope you eventually find another one to love and I am sure Charlie will make sure you will be happy together.
Your purpose is to grieve and remember your loved one and as the days go by some of the tears will turn into all the happy times together.
Love Allen and Riley

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Robin and Mischief @ R Bridge
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Feb 22, 2018 at 18:08
• Robin
(Rhode Island)

Post 3530

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Hi Cindy
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. We've all been through it. My family (or at least my dad and I) still have not gotten over the loss of our beloved Cairn. Though it's been 11 years (already!) she is still near and dear to my heart. She was my favorite sibling and my dad's favorite child. (Non terrier people don't believe him when he tells them  that). He too claimed he was going to have her stuffed! We buried her in the backyard and when we moved, he always insisted he was going to dig her up. He didn't but the newish neighbor, a Corgi dad, offered to do it if my dad wanted. 

It helps to keep busy and to talk to a community of pet lovers who understand just what you are going through. I still feel like Mischief is with me all the time and talk about her a lot. I carried her picture in my wallet until the wallet broke. The new one doesn't have a photo holder but I tucked her in there in a secret spot so she's with me when I'm out and about. I dream about her often and when I wake  up, I'm sad all over again that I can't run my hands through her fur or give her a belly rub or get soft kisses. My uncle's family had a Cairn at the time but she wasn't the same and I don't think they felt the same way about Sammie as we did about Mischief. Now they have Max the Morkie but he's also not the same. He's sweet and loves to cuddle but lacks that special Cairn personality. 

Hang in there and we're here when you need us! Talk to Cheryl, Roo's mom. She posted something recently about missing her boy. 

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NimbySue
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Feb 23, 2018 at 03:20
(United Kingdom)
Post 17004

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Cindy,I forgot to add that when I have lost all my dogs I snipped a locket of fur from them but having said that I have always got lockets from grooming them over the years in pots and secret places etc!...but I put some from all the dogs I have had into mourning or picture lockets  which are glass and gold,also a cross and a Beautiful gold terrier which a kind member from here Eve sent to me when I lost Dear Eric...I wear them lots when we go out to different places and its like having them all with me still next to my heart....Hugs Annie and Gang xxxxxxx


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Willie
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Feb 23, 2018 at 14:36
• Theo
(Ontario, Canada)

Post 3320

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Cindy, I had a feeling that you and Annie would hit it off and I am so glad you have. Annie is a very special lady and very special friend. She has a heart of gold.  I will post a photo of her with Eric that I took in 2004.... please don't cry Annie.. I know you will anyway xox

If you want to post photos, they must be somewhere on the internet, copy the URL for the photo and then paste it in Optional Image URL: the 3rd line at the bottom of the posting page. As long as the photo is somewhere on the internet it should work

hugs, Theo and Willie xoxox


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CindyP
Guest
Feb 23, 2018 at 17:52
Post 4
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Omgosh, thank you so much for thinking of me Theo and posting the picture. Everyone on this site has been very special and supportive beyond anything I ever expected.  I think the breed is just as special as the owners are.  I will try to post some pictures.  Thanks for explaining it.  I'm just not that tech savvy.  My sister called today.  I understand our family is concerned and love us.  But I kind of felt like I was getting a psyche evaluation.  Anyone else feel that way?  She asked me what was for lunch today.  ???  We are in our 50's.  I don't think she's asked me that since I was about 11.  Yes, I have no appetite but I am in no danger of starving after 5 days.  Are you working on some bracelets today?  (I work from home hand making leather jewelry). In other words, yes, I'm getting off the sofa today.  I know they mean well, but they just don't understand how a Cairn becomes a part of us. They loved our boy, but don't quite get it.  I will grieve as long as I need to and one day will smile again.  Thank you again and love to you all.

Cindy and Charlie

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Willie
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Feb 24, 2018 at 12:08
• Theo
(Ontario, Canada)

Post 3321

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Yeah, family can mean well but they can be such a pain hahaaa... I have a brother - Oh Brother - wink wink


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NimbySue
Member PageMember Page
Feb 23, 2018 at 16:30
(United Kingdom)
Post 17006

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Oh my Darling boy Eric,  up on the moorland ..even then Theo..we showed him a rescued lamb we found and he tried to snapperoo it!!..I think he did not know what he was doing really then though Bless him...and one week before his 17th birthday he left  me...sweet kisses always blown to you and forever in my heart from Mummy xxx.Thank you so much for sharing again Theo,another one of my favorites I have is one with him and a rat he caught at the farm in Warwickshire LOL!  Hugs  to you and Willie Beans xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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CindyP
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Feb 24, 2018 at 10:42
Post 5
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Here is a picture of our sweet Charlie!!  Thanks for your tips on how to get the picture posted!!


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CindyP
Guest
Feb 24, 2018 at 10:43
Post 6
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Well, that didn't work from my tablet.  Back to the drawing board.

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Willie
Member PageMember Page
Feb 24, 2018 at 12:14
• Theo
(Ontario, Canada)

Post 3322

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It won't work if it is saved on your tablet or PC, it must be on the internet... on a web site. 

I know you are doing it right as a little square shows, the photo is just not saved on the web.. 

If you join the TC, you will have a photo album where you can upload photos of Charlie. We would love to have you as a member here 


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Max-A-Million
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Feb 24, 2018 at 22:48
• Eve
(Pennsylvania)

Post 226

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I am glad you found us, just wish it was for a different reason. But as you see we all feel your Pain, we just lost our Phoenix, I felt like I couldn't breathe at times. When you love a FurChild, you love with all your heart. Please talk to us anytime, let us know how you are doing.
Hugs from all of us.
Ev

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Roo's Mom
Member PageMember Page
Feb 25, 2018 at 23:22
• Cheryl
(New York)

Post 11256

  
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I lost my Westie boy, Roo, on Nov. 20. He was a rescue and was 16 plus years old. For the last few months of his life and his health failed, we knew he would leave us soon, I kept wondering how I would know that it was his time to go. My friends here helped me so much. Roo was known and loved here for years and that helped me, knowing the support I had.

What it finally came down to was this: he will let you know. If he's still eating, playing, and enjoying life, then he will make sure you know he's not ready to go. In Roo's case, his eyes told the story. They didn't sparkle with mischief anymore. He lost his appetite at the end and that was big because my little guy was a chowhound!

A couple of months earlier, he started having seizures, not many at first, but on his next to last day, he had three before 6 a.m. and two more later, and then slept most of the rest of the day. Our vet was notified (it was Sunday and my vet was not on duty). So we spent the rest of Sunday holding him and loving him and on Monday, at the clinic, I held him and loved him as he took his last breath. He went so peacefully, and in that moment, I knew that he had told us it was his time and he was ready to go.

It didn't make me miss him less, or cry less and I still miss him deeply. But slowly our hearts are healing and at some time we will be ready to welcome another furkid into our lives.

Healing is hard and it takes time. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or for how long. One day you'll wake up and remember him with a smile instead of tears, and you'll know that your heart is on the mend.


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CindyP
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Feb 27, 2018 at 19:49
Post 7
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My heart, or what's left of it, goes out to you Roo's Mom.  I too saw in Charlie's eyes that there was something wrong.  More than what the Vets were saying.  I kept telling my husband that. And he too was a chowhound as you put it.  He would greet me at the bottom of the steps every morning and I would ask him.....who are you going to be today?  Charlie?  Starvin Marvin?  Frantic Freddy?  Panic Pete?  His bark would tell me at how loud he would get as I egged him on.  Oh my how I miss that.  Friday night I visited his ex-groomer who loved him so much, but wanted to retire, and a really good friend who has constantly messaged me.  As I have said previously, I create leather jewelry.  So I made them each a leather bracelet with a silver paw print embellishment.  I have named it the Charlie bracelet and decided that for each one that someone purchases I will donate 25% of all of them to a no kill shelter and the ASPCA at the end of the year in Charlie's name.  This is how I can honor him and keep his memory alive.  This is in no way any kind of promotion, I just wanted to share with you all how I will give back in honor of our baby dog.  Today was a very tough day as we brought his ashes home.  One week ago he rode on my lap to the ER Vet with so much hope for him to get better finally.  Today he rode home on my lap........in a box.  It doesn't feel like a fair deal, but at least he is home with his family once again.  We're still riding this emotional rollercoaster and someday we will be able to get off.  Thank you again to all of you for thinking of me.

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Caesar Latham and Murphy
Member PageMember Page
Feb 26, 2018 at 14:01
• Louise
(Illinois)

Post 5740

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Our Furchildren will always be a part of our lives.  I  also have been there with three of my furkids.  Their memories are always with me and I will always miss them.  Charlie will always be in your heart and with you.  We will always be here for you.  Louise, Caesar, Judah and Angel's Murphy, Casper & Spencer

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