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FGM and Rags
 
November 29 at 21:00
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To the Mattresses 11-29-05
The Big Day has arrived, November 16, 2005, 4 days before my birthday. We arrive at Loyola at 9:30 in the morning to prepare for an afternoon surgery. I wonder what the Great Petruzzelli is doing in the morning, what kind of surgery received priority? Will he be tired when he gets to me, or will he just be warming up? I wonder if he has slept well and has had a good breakfast. I slept well, and am ready for the battle. Even at this close hour, I am still calm and not afraid, which is good, as I had no idea of what pain would be following me around for days to come. Fred and I prepare in a small room, where I change into my designer hospital gown, and all my belongings go into a plastic bag for Fred to lug around with him all day. Nurses come and prepare me for the day, Father Gino comes and prays with us and as he prays, he is chomping away on some tasty gum, which I desperately want! You know, no food or drink after midnite. All I needed was a few good chews from his gum, what could it hurt? There was a bathroom right next door which we used every 5 minutes, I must have been evacuating my emergency tanks.
At last, we get the call that we are going upstairs to surgery. I am still calm, just wishing it was all over. There I am, getting ride on the gurney and Fred is carrying all my stuff. It does seem like there should be a place for all that, but there isn't. The nurse tells us we must say our good byes, as I am going in the surgery door and Fred is going to the waiting room to begin the long wait. I was picturing great words of undying love and some mushy stuff like right out of the movies. I think Fred wiggled my toes with his free finger and told me everything would be fine. And so we parted.
I waited in surgery for the Great Doctor to appear, in the mean time, I met the anetheseologist, lots of nurses and residents, who were probably all going into battle with us. Finally, my knight in shining armor appears and says something about the white horse, so I know he has read the adventure and knows the plan. I don't remember another thing until much later.
Sometime much later that night, my eyes open and I see my daughter Beth, now known to some as the FGD, and she is wiping away tears and has to step back. Fred is there and he tells me the surgery is over and it went well. Beth has recovered, and is now back in my vision, which is very limited. Now why is she crying? I fall back asleep and am only aware of pain and also of dogs sleeping on my feet. I did wonder how many dogs they allowed to stay with me, but I was aware of their presence for that night and the next several days. I could only lie on my back, and I felt the weight of Rags and her friends on my feet. You know the feeling, when they fall asleep on your legs, and then they stretch, using you as the stretching board, and then they curl up again and go back to sleep? I didn't find out until several days later that over the elastic stockings for blood
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FGM and Rags
November 29 at 21:18
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
clot prevention, I also had inflatable stockings on that went from my toes to my knees, and every 10 minutes or so they inflated, then deflated again. So it felt just like dogs curled up and continually looking for just the right spot to rest after the battle.
I am sure the first several days were more out of this world than an active participant. It was Saturday before I even looked in a mirror and that is only because my family was so glad to see that I looked so much better! A brief glance made me wonder what I had looked like, because that face looking back at me was surely someone else. Now I knew why Beth was crying that first night. My head was the size of Shrek's and I had no visible ears or lips because of the severe swelling. My incision went from one ear to the other and had been stapled shut. There were 5 drains, looking like little balloons, surrounding the incision and a big old trach in the middle, which enabled me to breath, but took my speech away. Travel down a little further and there was that big feeding tube. Each arm had IV's and don't forget that both feet were attached to the bed. Thank goodness for that catheter, because there was no traveling to anywhere for a day or two.
So, where does humility fit into this picture? It doesn't. I was basically naked to the world, and all the med students of Loyola. I kept hoping that one of these young kids wouldn't be flipping all my tubes around and telling me that I had been his 5th grade teacher. Luckily, that didn't occur, or we would have to be making a movie about it, you know, old teacher inspires students love for science and medicine.
The question that all of you know if you have been in the hospital is, On a scale from 1 to 10, how do you rate your pain? Good question, why is the high end number only 10 when what you need is more like a million, or two?
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The Oregon Girlies...
November 30 at 00:29
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb, It was really hard for me to read this. I am awed by your courage. I hope you are feeling better as each day goes by. We have been thinking a lot about you. You are truely an example for all of us. Thank you so much for the update.
xxxxBetty and the Girlies...
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Casey
 
November 30 at 01:15
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
I don't know what to say...
Barb, your strength is awesome. I can't imagine myself being able to handle your situation with any where near the spirit and determination you have shown. You are one very exceptional person, but we already new that.
love and hugs, Theo, casey and Cedric xox
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Fran and R gang
November 30 at 01:41
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb,
You have had a tough two weeks. and here you are telling us all about it. we are so thankful for that. we will be with you in the next segment of this battle too. Terrier Power is the Best!!!
Hugs
Fran & R gang
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Scruffy and Ruby Tuesday
November 30 at 01:54
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb, your words communicate so much more than events and timelines--and we are privileged to read them. Stay strong, my friend.
much love, from Scruffy, Ruby T, and Robyn
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Maureen, Hamish and Maddie
 
November 30 at 03:54
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Dear Barb, you are an inspiration. I hate to think how much pain and misery you have had to bear. I so admire your courage.
Love from Maureen xxx
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Cathy and Thistle
November 30 at 06:27
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb what can I say, you are a lady of many talents, much patience and fortitude, and a strength that is unbelievable. As we journey with you, I feel your pain, I hope that the new days will be much easier, but remember we are still with you and fighting this battle with you. Our love to you and family.
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Geri & Emma
November 30 at 07:09
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb- You are an amazing woman. Your strength and courage is awe inspiring. I have been thinking about you lots lately and thank you for your update. I wish we could wave your magic wand and make your pain go away.
Take care my friend, Geri
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Betsy and Wick
 
November 30 at 07:37
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
You are simply amazing Barb. You have gone through so much pain and hardship and yet you can talk about it in a light and fun manner. Your attitude with all of this is simply inspiring. I will be thinking of you and we'll be sending healing thoughts your way throughout this whole ordeal. Please continue to stay strong and upbeat. It makes a world of difference in situations like this. Take care.
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Linda D/Nessie's mom
November 30 at 07:39
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb,
Your words really put things in perspective. What a strong woman you are!
As a daughter who experienced her mother's minor leg surgery in comparison and having never seen my mother in a hospital before, I can most certainly relate to FGD's tears. And having read her posts, I can tell she most certainly has your strength and spirit.
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BOB
December 07 at 14:56
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Well done, you certainly are a strong lady and that will get you to the other side. Thanks for sharing.
HUGS JANET XX
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Tabitha (Max's mom)
November 30 at 08:56
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb,
That was so honestly and beautifully written that it moved me to tears. Hang in there! We are all thinking of you.
Tabitha
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Penny
November 30 at 09:07
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
I don't think we've met, but your post was beautiful. It brought me back to my mother's own cancer surgery last April and really brought a sense of calm and closeure, that the healing has begun. You have touched my heart today in a way you cannot imagine. god bless you.
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Petey and the Wigglebutts
November 30 at 09:49
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb,
I read your entry last night and just couldn't find the words to say how much I admire you. You are a very strong woman with a great support system...the cancer doesn't stand a chance.
We're thinking of you everyday and pray that you get stronger and stronger for your battle.
Gentle hugs,
Carol and the Wigglebutts
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Lynda and the Minkies
November 30 at 14:21
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
So sorry to hear you've been in such a mess and such pain...how awful.
I was amazed you slept well the previous night....sorry Fred didn't oblige with any mushy stuff. The inflating stockings were odd-why do they have those on you, Barb ?
Fingers crossed you're feeling better now than you were then.
XXX.
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Jewels & Samuel MacTavish
November 30 at 15:38
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
They help regulate blood pressure and keep the flow going Lynda.
Your ankles are the weakest point of your body as the skin is at it's thinnest point. That's why you have to wear stockings. They compress the veins to make the blood flow back up your body and keep circulation flowing.
Jewels
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Lynda and the Minkies
December 01 at 15:59
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
I knew that's why stockings were worn but I'd not heard of the inflatable ones too. Cheers, Jewels.
XXX.
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Max
November 30 at 14:46
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Dearest Barb, thank you so much for sharing this journey with us, even though it is heartbreaking and scary at times, it is a priviledge to be a part of it. Your candor and humor are so honest, it makes us love you even more. Hope you are feeling better everyday, you know we are thinking of you. xxxMarianne and Maxxx
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Anne H Robbie & Duncan
November 30 at 15:58
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Well said, Marianne! I agree 100% -- we're all here beside you, Barb, sending prayers and good thoughts.
Anne
xxx
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Jewels & Samuel MacTavish
November 30 at 15:40
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Gosh Barb, you should be an angel
We hope you feel better soon
Jewels
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Paula & Xander
November 30 at 16:06
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb, Your post bought tears to my eyes. Not because of the honest and real way that you tell your story, not because of the pain you feel (although my heart goes out to you because of this) but because of the Inspiration you provide to me and so many others. I wept tears because I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to have a connection in this life to a person as strong and as inspirational as you.
My prayers and thoughts continue for you daily.
Love
Paula.
xxx
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Porter and Heidi
November 30 at 20:28
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Dear FGM, I know why Beth was crying and needed to regain her composure...it was such a delight for her to see you move and open what little slits for eyes you had the moment you came out of the fog.
Tell me, how many hrs. did they have you in surgery? not counting recovery.......
It must have taken 1 hr. just to do the drains and staples...if they did it gently. OH the bruising...yikes I bet you felt bionic... something like wonder woman?
My heart goes out to you and certainly pray for your peace of mind after going thru such trauma as this.
Barb, you are wonder woman to me!
I have such compassion for you and your family. I pray that every moment that you have suffered is bottled up and tossed into the sea of forgetfulness.
Hugs and much love coming your way.....
Sorry that the terriers on watch had been so heavy on your legs...I know that my bunch was on the med detail list.
All that was liquid for you!
Bless you and yours.
Hugs,
Nancy :)
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Sandi and MacGuyver
December 01 at 06:50
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb, I so admire your courage...Bless your heart. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Sandi and MacGuyver
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Janie, Chip, Mulligan & Clover
December 01 at 09:53
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
There are just not enough words or feelings at this moment...
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john / irene Maxwell
December 02 at 12:26
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
We wish you a speedy recovery Barb you are a very brave Woman
john / irene Maxwell
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Sue & Booker
December 02 at 14:11
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
I continue to be awed by your strength and courage, let alone your positive attitude!
Big hugs and kisses
Sue & Booker
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littleboysmum
December 02 at 16:16
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Hugs,kisses,nosiekisses, and PRAYERS for you each and every day of this battle, Barb. We 3 are with you in spirit;)
Kim, Finlay and Jasper
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Lindsay Ya Ya Moon
December 02 at 17:12
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
I had hoped to be able to come and visit this weekend, but I have a nasty cough and cold. And Lord knows you don't need any of that. We will talk on the phone. All of us are with you everyday. Love, Lindsay
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Mary, Kelsey and Furby
December 02 at 23:47
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
all those pups you felt on your legs were all the pups from RB there to protect you and take care of you.
All those( FGAD's) Fairy Gardian Angel Dogs knew you'd be back with us...
Keep up the good work and the writing, helps me at this time too.
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Lily & Sir William & Boomer
December 06 at 07:51
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
Barb,
Thank you so much for telling your story to us..I cried while reading it at the strength you have..I am so proud to know you..the part about the dogs laying on your feet was great..those Westie Angels watching over you..please keep us up to date when you are able..
God Bless you,
Love,
Lily, Sir William & Boomer
Linda & Allen too
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Sambuca & Isabella Martini
December 06 at 21:01
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Re: To the Mattresses 11-29-05
This is the first chance I had to read your diary. My the courage you have, bless you, hope you are getting better by the day!
Good health!
Paula, Sambuca and Isabella Martini
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