 Terrier Club Adventures Forum
To the Mattresses
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FGM and Rags
 
February 06 at 03:45
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To the Mattresses
Moving to the final countdown. I don't know if I can complete the entry today, since the pain in my mouth is pretty intense, even though I am taking lots of pain meds, and vision seems to be jumping around. Sentences and spelling continue to be a problem, but I know you can read around those.
The Final Countdown means, one more double chemo blast on Tuesday, and then 8 more blasts of Radiation. So, in other words, we are done with 7 out of 8 chemos, and 24 out of 32 Radiations. I remember being so excited last week to realize that I was more than half way done, until I realized the easy half was done, and the hard part still remains. But still, we are close to the end.
I still have not done much reading, can't focus, but a lot of mindless TV, and I am hooked on the Food Network and Paula Dern(?)She's my kind of woman.
PLUS thinking, I do a lot of thinking. Here is what keeps coming back to haunt me,"There but by the Grace of God, Go I" It is an expression that I heard from my father all the years I was growing up, and now, I know he is sending it down to me to think about. You see, my father is probably my first contact with the Scottish terrier. He was born in Scotland in 1910, and came to this country, with his family, as a young boy. So, my heritance was established, plaid, shortbread, tea, and the wee Scottish dog would be my signature. My father was a simple and humble man. So many times over, while growing up, I would see him look at a person in distress, or hear a sad story, and that phrase, "There but by the Grace of God, Go I" would reflect. He knew he walked a fine line between success and failure, health or sickness. But what about me? Where was my of God? Didn't I always play by the rules? I knew all about giving and receciing, but why did I forego his Grace? All week I kept thinking of that phrase, and I knew my father wanted me to take a closer look, My father on earth, long passed to heaven, was trying to send me a message. There are several things he has passed on to me, and one of them, is that he himself, was a good story teller, very humorous, along with also sharing his blue eyes and the twinkle you could also find there!
So, what was he trying to tell me about the Grace of God? He wanted me to know that everything was in place, and all I have to do is show up at the battlefield everyday. I just had to survive, and the rest would be taken care of, now, if only I can believe, and make it through one more week, I should have the hard stuff behind me.
The first gift I was given was my family. A husband who never imaginged almost 30 years ago, that he would be my doctor and medical advocate. How could he have known that he would be swabbing out parts of my body and keeping me cleaned in so many different areas? But he is a good person for that job, he can catch a 20 lb fish and fillet it down to a 2 0z. piece of fish, and you know there will be no bones! Give him the job of detailing a car and he
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FGM and Rags
February 06 at 04:48
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Re: To the Mattresses
really will be using cotton q tips and doing a job that nears perfection. If a job is worth doing, then it is worth 100% of your time and knowledge. Employers don't often find that work adage anymore, even in the medical communituty. So if you are being treated for anything, it is so important to have an advocate with you, otherwise, you fall in-between the cracks.
Then we have 2 grown up daughters, both living in this area, one, Beth with us. She graduated from college last spring, and it is good that she is home, because then I would be worried about her worrying about me. So I guess we are all where we are meant to be. They both work in the Beauty industry, so guess who they will be using as their number one guinea pig?
Another thing I can remember my father talking about was benefits. For the average class working Joe, sometime, the benefits are more important than the salary. Young workers don't see this, because they know they will never get sick. Surprise! I see it at school all the time, the younger teachers enjoy their time off, because they are allowed it. The older teacher, saves each of those days, because they may need them later. Now, I don't mean they will give you unused time to go on a vacation or a honeymoon, but you can use it when you are sick. And that has always been my work ethic, I Love my job, and would much rather be there than anyplace else. I never gave one thought to cancer, but since I work on the second and third floors in my schools, I always thought I would fall, and then have to have knee or hip surgery. So much for my crystal ball. But, really, insurance is a very HUGE thing, and with the kind of coverage we had, I was able to walk into any hospital and select my own doctors, not wait and see who is on my HMO list and then make a selection. Again, we are most fortunate to live in the Chicago area where there are lots of excellent doctors who are doing research projects in the type of cancer that I have.
And what about Friends? You know what Bette Midler says, you just gotta have them. And I have been most fortunate to find out how many friends I do have. I have worked most of my days in the same district that I live, and I have always considered this to be my investment in my community. It gives me much pleasure to run into kids that I taught over 30 years ago, and listen to what they are doing, and to hear about their families.
Since the diagnosis and the first surgery, the staff at one of my schools has been supplying full dinners to my house on Monday and Thursday. Not just teachers, but parents too. Every time the teachers leave my frontdoor, I sit down and shed a few tears, tears of graditude and appreciation. All of these people are so busy, and they have taken time out of their schedule to whip up a dinner and make a delivery.
Then there are my Yaya's from college. We have been a gang since the late 60's and still today. They really know when they are needed and show
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FGM and Rags
February 06 at 05:13
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Re: To the Mattresses
up when needed. They can take over my house and they know my kitchen. Good times and bad, they are a part of my life, they were the Bridesmaids.
The last group of friends is so hard to begin, because it is so hard to believe! Once again, for me, it goes back to my Scottish heritage and affection for the wee doggie. Several years ago, by luck, I found the website for the terrier club, and it certainly has made a huge difference in my life. Members have written about it, spectators have marvelled, but there is definitely some kind of magic that goes on here, we have a certain love for each other that crosses all around the world. I know that anytime of the day or night, someone is there, and will listen when I need to talk. I know that friendships can be made without even meeting the other person. I know that I didn't even have to ask for support, that it was already there.
So, you see what I mean when I say all I have to do is show up for battle each day. I already have a great family, insurance, job, giant support of friends and all those feisty terriers willing to kick those cancer cells to the curb every Tuesday. Guess I am a pretty lucky old gal! Oh, and just one more thing. Rags, who has been by my side all through this journey. We rescued her 3 years ago, but in fact, I think she rescued us.
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Lynda and the Minkies
 
February 06 at 14:52
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Re: To the Mattresses
Thanks for the other instalments, Barb.....dear Fred has been wonderful hasn't he ?
That's wonderful that the teachers and parents are supplying the bi-weekly meals. How very kind and thoughtful of them all. It's gratifying these days to know there are nice people around....
Thankyou for the updates.....and the best of British tomorrow.
XXX.
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Maureen, Hamish & Maddie
 
February 06 at 05:53
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Re: To the Mattresses
Well you know what they say, Barb, what goes around comes around. You have given so much kindness and caring to others, and now they can give back to you.
By the way, I can hardly believe that it is 3 years already since Rags adopted you and FGF as her forever family.
Lots of love,
Maureen
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Scruffy and Ruby Tuesday
February 06 at 10:13
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Re: To the Mattresses
Barb, you continue to amaze and inspire me. I echo what Maureen said. You are one very special lady and we love you.
xoxox Robyn, Scruffy and Ruby Tuesday
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Janie, Chip,Mulli,& Clover
February 06 at 10:27
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Re: To the Mattresses
Yes, Barb, you are very lucky indeed to have the insight to all your blessings. Some people focus on the negative when the positive always out weighs it...
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R gang
February 06 at 12:28
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Re: To the Mattresses
Your Scottish father was also your educator of Life. You know your blessings and have done the "Pay it Forward" all your life, it's just a part of who you are.
I feel very fortunate to have you as my friend. I recall the first day you posted on this club. having recently lost your LWD. you asked if you could be part of our group even tho you didnt have a dog anymore. thus you were dubbed our Fairy God Mother. So many needed you, as you needed us. we love you and your Sparkle Kisses.
Hugs
Fran & R gang
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MI Squad
February 06 at 13:24
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Re: To the Mattresses
You are so right about your community service. YOU need to get yourself well so that all your admirers in your area can give you all the hugs you deserve.
You are one special chick, FGM.
I think it is so cute that Rags adopted you and in the 3 yrs. it was the prep time to get you thru this mess. Rags you are one good girl! Special treats and plate cleaning job for you!
We are sending special reinforcements for you each day as you get closer to that final day in your countdown.
What a joy it will be for you to just stay home for a while and do what you want to and keep your rest up.
I can only imagine how tiring it is to always be on the go to get a fix.
I hated it when I had PT 3 x a week and doctor appt. and clinic day for biofeedback.
Never time to myself. It made me want to just hide.
I remember saying to the doctor when are you going to leave me alone! Of course immediately they had me on medication for depression. I think it was a very normal and healthy response.
No one, esp. us girls, likes to be poked and proded and made appt. to come in all the time. Enough of that kind of attention.
Big hugs to you Barb...keep your identity.
Nancy :)
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Eileen, Chester and McGregor
February 06 at 15:22
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Re: To the Mattresses
Such a positive outlook that you have and you are truly inspiring! My husband's brother was diagnosed with leukemia 3 wks ago, age 39, wife, 3 kids. He is undergoing chemo now; lost his hair last week. But has such a great outlook on life! I am in awe of everyone that has to go through this. And my most sincere prayers and thoughts go out to you, FGM. You truly are a gift to others and I hope that this "chapter" in your life is one that ends well and move on to the next.
Eileen, Chester and McGregor
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john / irene Maxwell
 
February 06 at 17:48
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Re: To the Mattresses
You are Very Brave Barb Your Positive Outlook is an inspiration Get well soon Dear friend
john / irene Maxwell
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Petey and the Wigglebutts
February 06 at 19:03
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Re: To the Mattresses
Barb,
You are amazing...your strength both inside and out. You are what you sow...and that says volumes about you...you have a wonderful support network in family and friends. I hope I can live by your example.
You are my hero!!!!!!
Hope this makes sense...it's so hard to type your emotions.
Gentle hugs and kisses,
Carol and the Wigglebutts
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Max
February 06 at 19:36
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Re: To the Mattresses
Dear Barb, we love you and your positive attitude, I think it's wonderful that all these friends of your come through for you, that means they are true friends. And hugs to Fred, he's doing a great job. Give Rags a big squeeze from us and much love to you, dear friend. xxxMarianne, Hans, Mosby, Miranda and your pal, Maxxxx
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E Gang
February 07 at 15:34
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Re: To the Mattresses
Thank you once again Barb for this next Chapter and as ever so very Brave and positive as always and we think of you daily and in the night and send lots of Prayers for you to be better again very soon.
Love and kisses from us all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Lily, Sir William & Boomer
 
February 07 at 17:55
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Re: To the Mattresses
Barb,
You indeed are an inspiration to all of us and I can't tell you how proud I am to be able to call you friend..even though we have never met. One day I hope we may meet and it will truly be an honor to meet you and FGF and Rags.
My father had a saying also..it was: If you only do a job half way, then don't bother doing it. Seems like our father's had the same respectfulness for life. There was many a time after he passed away, that I would be doing something and I'd think about taking a short cut..then I would hear my father's voice saying that phrase..if you're only going to do the job half way, don't bother doing it and I would always do the complete job. My father would be very proud of you because you are doing this job all the way and we will beat this cancer and kick it to the curb.
I have told several people about you and your courage and your "To the Mattress" posts and they are always watching just for those posts and also know that they too are saying prayers for you and your health.
Thank you again, dear Barb, for sharing your story with us so that we may be a part of your life.
Love,
Linda & Allen
Lily, Sir William & Boomer
East Coast Westie Calvary
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Pam and pups
February 07 at 23:45
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Re: To the Mattresses
Yes, FGM, you are getting back what you have given. And you deserve only the best!
You have the great Dr. P on your side, your Ya Ya's, and your friends, neighbors and coworkers, your friends here at the TC, prayer warriors all over the world; the army of puppers that belong here and their fur siblings of all sizes.--all helping to do battle.
You, however, have another angel that is working hard for you--helping to send healing rays to you. That is Andrew. You were an angel for him and he is now helping direct those healng rays your way. YOu have an ace in the hole here--a direct line to God and I am sure Andrew is up there leading the parade of prayers right to His ear so they can be heard above all others.
Thank you for sharing your heart and sole with us. I, for one, am humbled to be able to share your journey.
Pam and pups
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