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To the Mattresses 8-25-06 Reply to this Message

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FGM and Rags
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Member PageMember Page Aug 25, 2006 at 22:55
To the Mattresses 8-25-06 Vote for this post

It has been a long time since I have written and some of my friends have encouraged me to bring my story up to date. I know some new members here will not know what I am talking about, but last October I was diagnosed with head and neck cancer and I decided to record my thoughts here on the Adventure Board which actually became a very theraputic thing for me to do. As I shared my story with all of you, I felt the strength of your support, like angels' wings lifting me right above all the pain. I never once felt like I was alone, I had an entire army of warriors going to battle with me!

This week I was back at Loyola for my 3 month check up. By now, we have made lots of friends in the cancer clinic, and in addition to all the doctors I had to see, Fred and I made the rounds to check in with the chemo nurses, the lab techs, and all the other support people there. The chemo nurses, especially, like to have visits from people who are doing well after their treatments because sometimes in all the pain and suffering they see on a daily basis they lose sight of why they are doing what they are doing. So, seeing someone looking so much better does wonders for their spirits too! It's all about the BIG picture.

Now, for those who have been with me from the start, you may remember that one of my first visits to the cancer clinic, which is a beautiful building, revealed these terrible red velveteen chairs in the waiting room that were well worn. I was afraid that my mission was to redecorate, and like the "mature" ladies in the movie, Calendar Girls, we were all going to have to pose(nude) and create a TC calendar that would bring in the big bucks for new furniture. You will all be glad to hear that when we walked in on Wednesday, the first thing that hit us was the new furniture! You are all off the hook because I think Blue Cross has contributed so much in my behalf that the redecorating issue has been dealt with!

I have had a lovely summer, regaining my strength, learning to eat again, growing my hair and visiting with friends. One evening, I was at a dear friend's house and she was talking about her house, which was badly destoyed several years ago in a fire. They had spent Sunday decorating their very old beautiful house for Christmas, and the following day, an electrical fire took many of their worldly possessions from them. They had raised 4 girls in that house, so it was filled with wonderful treasures. They did bring the house back to its' original beauty, but there were so many things lost forever. That evening my friend made the comment that it was the worst thing that ever happened to them and also the best thing! How could that be, I thought. Easy, because very quickly you are forced to learn what is really important. If there was a fire right now in your house, what would you save? Your family and pets are the important things, everything else is just stuff.


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FGM and Rags
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Member PageMember Page Aug 25, 2006 at 23:36
Re: To the Mattresses 8-25-06 Vote for this post Reply to this Message

I went home that night and thought about what she had said. I decided that I could apply that same thought to my cancer. By far, it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but quite possibly, it could be the best thing too. Now, I tell you, if the cancer at some point comes back, then I will reclassifly it as the worst thing, and leave it at that! You can not go through everything I have in the last 9 months and not come out a different person. If you have, then you haven't been paying attention to your lessons. I have a more definitive idea of what is important, and the material things that are so much of our lifes really don't matter. Someone once told me that if you have a problem and money can fix it, then you really don't have a problem. That became clear to me sitting in the cancer clinic with all the other patients. As I said before, cancer is an equalizer, I am sure I sat among the wealthiest and also among some of the poorest. Recently Cardinal George of Chicago was also treated in the very same place as I was. Money, no matter how much you have, can not fix this problem, the end results are destined by a much higher power.
I have begun the process of weeding out the surplus in my house and also my heart. Negative feelings and grudges only weigh you down, it is a very liberating thing to let go of these and move on. It's amazing how your posture improves when you take some of the weight off of your shoulders.
Now, what about all my worldly possessions? You already know what happened to my Jello collection! First, I have parted with most of my clothes. I did emerge from this experience almost 5o lbs lighter. So, the old clothes have been doled out to family, friends, and thrift shops. I have almost completely aquired a new wardrobe from the local resale shops. I tell you, I have some beautiful "new" clothes, compliments of the discards of others!
On to my stuff, I guess if you came to visit me now, and admired anything I had, I would probably give it to you. So, it may be a good time to visit, that is, if you are in the market for more stuff. Seriously, one of my best gifts this past spring was to one of my students that I taught from 3rd grade through 6th. Her name is Annette, and she is a wonderful musician, playing the flute and piano. One of the things that I have hung on to since my youth were my flute and piccolo. I always thought my daughters would be interested, but, they weren't. I have carried those instruments with me for years, never playing them, just keeping them on the shelf. It occurred to me, finally, that musical instruments have no value unless they are making music. So, I polished up that piccalo, and wrapped it up, wrote a nice note to Annette, telling her I wanted her to have something special from me, and I knew, she would be able to bring my instrument back to life. She read my note, opened her present, cried and hugged me until it hurt. I knew I had done the right thing

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FGM and Rags
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Member PageMember Page Aug 25, 2006 at 23:51
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Hmm, I am getting a little wordy here, but one more thing. Kindness! Not only did I appreciate the kindnesses shown to me by my friends, but also from all the people that I have never met. I was blessed by the kindness of so many, that I can't even recount it all to you. Cards and letters came from all over the world, prayer groups, and entire churches were praying for my recovery. If I live to be a hundred, I don't think I will be able to give back all that I have received. But, I will make it my mission to make random acts of kindness part of my life. There is so much we can do for each other, if we just invest a little time and effort and kindness. Sometimes just a smile and a hug can make a difference to someone feeling down. Do you have boxes of notecards? I do, and I plan to use them up with sending words of comfort, encouragement, or just saying Hi, I think you are great! And with that, I will bring this chapter to a close and tell you how great I think all of you have been for me, very possibly the best medicine available.

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The Oregon Girlies..
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 00:12
Re: To the Mattresses 8-25-06 Vote for this post Reply to this Message

Aw Barb, This is a wonderful post.There's a lesson here for all of us. We all need to be kind and careing, because we never know for sure how long we will be here. We have learned a lot from you. Thanks for this uplifting message, we are on our way to bed, and We will be thinking about what you said. Good night dear FGM.
xxxxBetty and the Girlies...

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Fran & R gang
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 01:25
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Betty has summed up my feelings also. You are a teacher who taught us all to be compassionate and caring about others. We all need reminders of how precious life is. Randem acts of kindness to others is such a great thing to do.

I have your friendship and now I have your Capris....what more could a gal want?

Hugs
Fran
LM & Friend

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Lynda and the Minkies
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 09:50
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Hahaha...that's very funny, Fran !!
XXX.

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MI Squad
Aug 26, 2006 at 04:12
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Well, it is no wonder I couldn't sleep...I needed to read this. I have been carrying around too much weight that my shoulders have rounded.
Thanks Barb, now maybe I can work on that forgiveness part and get rid of some of the clutter that has hurt my heart.
This divorce wants to kill me and that just ain't gonna happen.
Thanks for your words of wisdom.
I have been thrashing around the thought of downsizing...now I know I can do it! Hey, long as I have my puppers and some kind of a roof over my head, I don't need to live in huge quarters.
Small can be good.
Super big gentle hugs to you.
Thanks for liberating me too!
Nancy :)
MI Squad

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Diana
Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 06:18
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It's great to hear how well you are doing and what a positive outlook you have. Wow you will be able to buy some new clothes now. I love shopping!

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Jewels
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 07:43
Re: To the Mattresses 8-25-06 Vote for this post Reply to this Message

Words of a wise woman........

I remember the Jello episode and Fred clearing out your cupboards whilst you were poorly. Its so good to hear that all this time later you have come out the other side with such invigorating new life.

If only everyone had your outlook and postive attitude the world would be a much better place to live.

I'm sure Annette will cherish the Piccolo and she probably won't ever part with it.What a lovely thing to do......

What a lovely end for 'To The Mattress' Episode

Jewels

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Lynda and the Minkies
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 09:49
Re: To the Mattresses 8-25-06 Vote for this post Reply to this Message

Barb, how we've laughed and cried then laughed again and cried once more with you on your journey. I know sometimes it's been horrible, though some of the most awful experiences you dealt with still could raise a smile sometimes, and gratitude that we weren't going through the same....I know my fortitude wouldn't have been as admirable as yours !!
That was so nice of you to visit with the nurses. I bet that was highly appreciated. You're right about the money issue-I often think of Linda MacCartney dying and Paul with all his millions could only watch helplessly.....
That was a lovely thing you did for Annette with the piccolo too.
Enjoy the rest of your life....and thankyou for you mattress posts.
Also a huge thankyou to Fred (and Ragsy) for always being there and taking such great care of you.
XXX.

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Sue & Booker
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 09:55
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MIM,

Thank you for teaching us some important life lessons. I am trying to get rid of 'stuff' too...but a certain necklace and earrings are staying put!

I am so happy that you are healthy again! And I am SO proud to call you my friend.

Hugs from the Baby LM,
Sue & Booker

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john / irene Maxwell
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 10:45
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You are a wonderful person Barb we are so pleased you have come through this and we wish you all the best for the future


God Heals

Remember when you heard the words
and your mind went blank you were in another world

Remember in your darkest hours
when all that surrounds you is pain and sorrow

Remember friends' prayers - your family's encouragement
glimmers of hope from everyday angels

Quiet...you can hear Him now
always there yet never this close

It's just another day
yet everything has changed and you hear yourself say

Birds are singing
the sky is a beautiful blue flowers are blooming...

Truths that you knew as a child
awakened again with new understanding

Remember when others can't
that life is a gift each day to treasure
God Has Healed


john / irene Maxwell

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Linda D
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 12:00
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As always, your words are humbling and inspiring.

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Kelsey and Furby
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Aug 26, 2006 at 12:56
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Barb
as always inspiring, I have tears in my eyes.
It is hard as a family member to be there to watch someone going through treatments, but I also know how to be strong for that person too. Being there for you was easy for you are a wonderful person and I am proud to kow you. One day I do hope we will meet. That is one nice thing about this family here, we are indeed here for each other even when we sometimes don't feel it.
You should publish this Barb, it would indeed help others and their families who are going through what you did.
I thought about doing something like that after my Mother passed away and do it from thew view point of a family member, not sure how to begin.
Have a wonderful school year.

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ED
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 17:15
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right back atcha, FGM!!

ED and dollface

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Susan & McDuff
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 17:32
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Wow Barb - you did it again - brought me to tears. What an inspiration you are!
Thanks for aharing,
Susan & McDuff

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Sambuca & Isabella Martini
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 19:00
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WOW, Barb, what an update. You are so inspiring to us all. What you have gone through in the last 9 months, I think your family and your attitude about this fight is what helped you along this journey. And I know the TC warriors were there with you.

You are a wonderful person and I too hope someday we will meet.

Paula

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Claire, Heidi & Glen
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Member PageMember Page Aug 26, 2006 at 19:56
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Barb
I came to TC when you were long way into your journey. I felt it rude to intrude and ask questions, but I went back as far as I could to read your posts. Your story and words have been inspirational. I think many here feel blessed to know you and priviledged to have accompanied you on your journey back to health.

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Jamie
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Member PageMember Page Aug 27, 2006 at 11:48
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Barb,i had a crap day today.I've taken up running and my bra has really inflammed my scar tissue(i had surgery about 7 years ago)so am in pain.Today i'm a mess cause all i want to do is speak to my dad( he died in Jan this year)So feeling really sorry for myself..but you know you are so right.These awful things teach us such a lot.This year loads and loads (including all TC) have given me support and strength to put one foot in front of the other.Sometimes its baby steps,sometimes its giant leaps.You have been an inspiration to us all..and you have a very special place in our hearts. On a lighter note do you think the Blue Cross covered the seats in case you did the calander!!!

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Geri & Emma
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Member PageMember Page Aug 27, 2006 at 13:43
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Barb- you are truly an amazing person. I respect you so much. One of my friends is starting chemo on Tuesday for ovarian cancer and I have been sharing your posts with her. Through them, you are giving her strength as she embarks on her journey.

Geri

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Jeni, Bonnie and Flora
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Member PageMember Page Aug 27, 2006 at 16:54
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Thank you.

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Max
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 00:07
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Dearest Barb, thanks for your latest to the mattresses update, you look fabulous, you know. We wish you only good things, friendship, love, terriers, hugs, and good health. I'm so thrilled we got to meet each other and become friends, I'm proud to call you my friend. Good luck with all your endeavors!!! Love, xxxMarianne and Maxxx

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bob
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 02:50
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Great Barbs, positive outlook is the best way, heres to many happy years. You are right about one thing, money cannot buy health. Also true cancer changes your life, i think for the better.

HUGS JANET XX

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Cathy and Thistle
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 07:14
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Barb the tears are there as I read your post. You are one special lady.
Yes cancer touches you in a way that is hard to describe, yes it changes your life forever. You have such a positive outlook on life, you have shared your journey and touched all who read it. I wish you health, happiness and good friends always, you look absolutely fantastic, enjoy your life. Hats off also to the wonderful family who helped you make it through.

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Lily, Sir William & Boomer
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 07:48
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Barb,

You have taught us so very much and I truly believe you have helped us as much as we helped you. Your "To the Mattress" posts have been incredible and we have learned from them. You are a wonderful inspiration to all of us and we are so glad you are doing so very well and that through all of this your thoughts still return to others. Taking the time to visit the nurses has been such an inspiration to them also I'm sure.

I also hope that you have done something with all of your "To the Mattress" posts for others who could gain hope from your story. Please, please, please do send them to the American Cancer Society if nowhere else. I know that if I were going through what you did, that by reading your story, it would give me hope.

Thank you for being our friend.

Love,
Linda & Allen
Lily, Sir William & Boomer
East Coast Westies 3

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Rebecca and MacDougal
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 09:34
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Barb, Thank you so much for helping me to remember what is important in this short life we have on this earth. I am so glad that you are doing great and you are truly a wonderful teacher and inspiration to everyone of us.

Hugs, Rebecca and MacDougal

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Eve
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 15:33
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They say everyone you meet has come into your life for a reason.
Barb there are so many you have reached without ever meeting them.
The person who came into my life was brought in by a little brown Cairn named Tillie.
See as most know I have had Glaucoma for a very long time and have went through all the drops before finding two that work.
And now Cataracts have been added and before each visit to my Doctor I get so fearful of maybe hearing the words "the reading's have gone up" that end up being sick.
But here came this little Cairn known as Tillie and soon we found out her first owner was trying to find her.
Her first owner gave her up because she found out her sight would soon be gone and she wanted Tillie to have a good home so she gave her up, but to people that didn't know Cairns.
And here Ed and I enter, taking her to foster but failed by keeping her.
I'm learning through Tillie's mum you can go on, yes it's hard and she gets upset at times over not being able to see but a little, but she is living life, she refuses to give up.
(Sounds like you Barb.)
She has found a way for us to even do emails, she is painting boxes for her church, she is planning her life for the time she can't see at all.
So look around, and I'm sure there is someone each of us can help in some way..

As for Dejunking, Ed has started asking "have a bag for Goodwill today?"

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Casey
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 15:47
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I finally found a few miutes to sit down and read your post and how wonderful it is. You have been such an inspiration to so many people Barb, and I truely hope one day you will publish "To the Mattresses" and share it with the whole world.

I am so glad you took the time to visit with the nurses and doctors, they carry a heavy burden and seeing that their efforts do have positive effects must lift their spirits tremedously.

With many thanks and hugs,
Theo and Casey xox
p.s. Hope to see you on Oprah with your publication!!

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Eve
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Member PageMember Page Aug 30, 2006 at 18:06
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They say everyone you meet has come into your life for a reason.
Barb there are so many you have reached without ever meeting them.
The person who came into my life was brought in by a little brown Cairn named Tillie.
See as most know I have had Glaucoma for a very long time and have went through all the drops before finding two that work.
And now Cataracts have been added and before each visit to my Doctor I get so fearful of maybe hearing the words "the reading's have gone up" that end up being sick.
But here came this little Cairn known as Tillie and soon we found out her first owner was trying to find her.
Her first owner gave her up because she found out her sight would soon be gone and she wanted Tillie to have a good home so she gave her up, but to people that didn't know Cairns.
And here Ed and I enter, taking her to foster but failed by keeping her.
I'm learning through Tillie's mum you can go on, yes it's hard and she gets upset at times over not being able to see but a little, but she is living life, she refuses to give up.
She has found a way for us to even do emails, she is painting boxes for her church, she is planning her life for the time she can't see at all.
So look around, and I'm sure there is someone each of us can help in some way..

As for Dejunking, Ed has started asking "have a bag for Goodwill today?"

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Maddie Willie Emily
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Member PageMember Page Sep 03, 2006 at 10:58
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Barb,
I am late getting here to read your latest post. Again you bring me to teary emotion.It has been an unforgettable experience being able to follow with you through this journey.
You are one brave strong and inspiring lady.Bless you
Hugs
Maddie Willie Emily
Sandra

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Cheryl
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Member PageMember Page Sep 03, 2006 at 13:10
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Oh my, Girlfriend -- how I know that you speak from the heart!

As I read your birthday card, some of my favorite words were "Fellow Survivor." We, we are that, aren't we?

And I know I have become somewhat complacent in my life since MY big event, but you have helped me to put it all into perspective again, in a fresh new way.

One of the many things, I think, we have in common is our desire to do random acts of kindness (and usually anonymous, as well!)

That has been one of my greatest joys, since having cancer, being able to throw good things people's ways, and they never even see it coming!

I'm with you on the de-junking, also. What IS it about having cancer that makes us want to clear out all the debris of our former lives -- I think it's part of surviving and moving on and trying to make the world a better place!!!!

And yes, it is the WOSRT and the BEST that can happen to you. We may end up with some minor side effects that, to some folks, might be real hindrances (my nerve damage and the depression that hits me periodically) but somehow, we have learned to keep on kicking!

I value you so much -- especially now -- for helping ME get back on track with my feelings. Sometimes cancer can cause one to choke off or close down emotionally -- and it does happen to me sometimes -- (more often than I'd like). I think it is because we are afraid of hurting again -- but you have helped put that into perspective also.

God bless you, Girlfriend -- and keep on keeping on!!!

Love always,
Cheryl

P.S. Remember -- that stupid sunflower hat gets passed on -- when you're ready!

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Jeanie, Jolly & Hattie
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Member PageMember Page Sep 04, 2006 at 10:37
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Oh, Barb....when I first saw the heading on this post, I got a big lump in my throat. Thank heavens it was just a wonderful update. I'm sorry I am so late in replying.....I don't often check the adventure forum, but boy...am I glad I did. What wonderful words of encouragement from a wonderful lady. You will never know how much I admire you. Keep up the good work!!!

Love and hugs,
Jeanie, Jolly & Hattie

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Kat&Dog
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Member PageMember Page Sep 04, 2006 at 19:04
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Dearest Barb,

I haven't been to the AF in months - just thought I'd stop by, and I guess the Universe was pointing me in your direction.

One of the reasons we need to get rid of "stuff" is to make room for new things in our life - be it emotional "stuff" or material things. When we get rid of the clutter, the space opens for other things/people/emotions to come in and fill up the empty place.

I am going back and printing out your writings to give to a friend who just got the Big C. Thank you so very much for putting words to fear, joy, sorrow, confusion, and surviving a long trip to hell and back.

deep affection and thanks!

Katrin

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Sarah
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Member PageMember Page Sep 06, 2006 at 20:04
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Dear FGM,

I am reading this late, but also wanted to express my thanks to you...not only for your posts, but for your honesty and kindness that you have shown us all. You are a unique spirit, and an excellent teacher. I hope to meet you in person someday too...I have many reasons to get my butt to Chicago :)...and you are one of them!
God Bless You Barb!

Lots of love,
Sarah

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Leslie and Katie
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Member PageMember Page Oct 24, 2006 at 20:41
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Dear Barb,
You are a true inspiration.
We can all learn some valuable lessons from you.
You have an amazing outlook on life.
Bless you.
We love you!
Love, Leslie and Katie xxxxoooo

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