 Terrier Club Adventures Forum
Back to the Mattresses
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FGM and Rags
 
Apr 07, 2007 at 10:23
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Back to the Mattresses
Dear Friends,
It has been a long time since I have written under this title, and of course, I was hoping that the battles were over. This past February marked my 1 year Anniversary of finishing all the cancer treatments. I feel wonderful, and have been able to resume my life, as I once knew it! There is no doubt in my mind that the journaling I did here made all the difference in the world to my recovery. Recently, I went back and reread all those entries and the responses that came from all over the world. I was amazed at my own honesty, and humbled by the kindness expressed by so many sympathetic people.
In the past month, there has been a recent development, and I was not sure if I wanted to go public again, but have decided that it is time to share my story, as just possibly, it will make a difference in the life of somebody who may be reading this today.
In February, I went for my annual mammogram, and after all the chemicals in my body this past year, I really didn't think anything evil could be growing inside of me. I was apprehensive to go, just because I find them rather unpleasant, you know, the BIG squeeze. I was also not looking forward to the stretching of my skin, as that scar that travels from one side of neck to the other is still very sensitive. The scar from my port, also causes me to have discomfort. But, forward I went, as cancer is not a thing I want to deal with again. I have to say, that that first mammogram was not as painful as I was anticipating. However, a call came from my primary physician a week later, saying my right breast needed further evaluation. Still not too upset, I made the appointment for the diagnostic mammogram. The tech who administered this test immediately saw my scars and asked about them. It turned out that she had lost her own sister last year to head and neck cancer. She was amazed at how well I looked, and of course, we both had stories to share. Her sister had finished her treatments in May and by July she was gone. I have to say, this was the first time I actually talked with someone, other than the doctors, who had lived with this nightmare of a cancer. Was it a coincidence? I think not, there was a purpose that day when I met this woman. Well, she told me she saw calcifications on my mammogram, and I would probably have to come back for a biopsy, just to check it out. Now, this is pretty standard procedure, many women in my age category have had to have this same procedure, and 80% of the biopsies will come back beneign. I was still confidant that I would be part of that 80%.
The call came from the doctor several weeks ago, that I had early stages of breast cancer. I must say, I was stunned and in shock. How could this happen again? This just wasn't fair! But, going back to the Rules of Life, the first one being, Life Isn't Fair, followed up by, Never Give UP, I knew I had to get ready for another battle.
Now, the good news here is that it is not the same cancer as before, which means that it didn't spread. Also, the other good news is that it is very early stages. So, I am back with the great doctors of Loyola, and as I write, the game plan involves a lumpectomy on April 19th, some healing time, then probably 6 more weeks of radiation.
I have thought about sharing and then not sharing this story, as I don't really want to be the poster child for cancer, but several things happened that made me decide to reopen the Mattress files again. The first regarding Mrs Edwards who made her announcement about her breast cancer returning, which, also came on the same day as my diagnosis. Recently, when asked about mammograms, she said that perhaps she would not be in her position today if she had had her yearly mammograms and not waited until a lump appeared. Now, this may or may not be the case, and certainly she will never know for sure, but I bet she wishes she had been more attentive to her own body.
The other thing that happened recently involved the tech who gave me my presurgery lung exray. Her name was also Barbara, and when she was finished, she asked if I wanted to see my exrays on the computer. Nobody has ever offered that before, so I was quite interested. She explained all my "parts" and I have to admit, I was surprised by the shapes and sizes! Like, did you know that the liver is very large, and the stomach is not as large as I had always pictured. Anyway, there was something about this lady, she said she knew I was scared after just fighting a cancer battle, but, she knew there must be some purpose for me that I needed to focus on. So, with several weeks of keeping my secret, I kept visualizing a sign I saw this summer in a little shop, it said something like this:"Life with a Purpose, is the Purpose of Life." I must admit, those few words have had an impact on me this year, and perhaps this diagnosis is part of My Purpose.
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FGM and Rags
Apr 07, 2007 at 10:32
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Maybe, just maybe, there is somebody reading this today who has put off making an appointment for their mammogram. There has been so much in the news these past weeks about mammograms, and MRI's and new treatments for breast cancer, that it rather causes the head to spin. But one thing for sure, early detetion is still your best bet in this battle! So, make the phone call and set up the appointment, you owe it to yourself.
As I left the doctor's office, she said to me, "Barb, compared to what you have already gone through, this will be a piece of cake." Well, to that I say, "Make mine chocolate, with lots of gooey frosting!"
I will keep you posted as I embark on this new journey and ask you to prepare my terrier friends for another battle.
Sparkle kisses
FGM
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The Oregon Girlies...
Apr 07, 2007 at 10:54
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb, This makes me very sad, It certainly puts my small problems into perspective. We will say prayers for you, and the Birlies will be gearing up for battle. You can count on us.
xxxxBetty and the Girlies...
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Mike Nanas Dad
 
Apr 07, 2007 at 11:16
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb ,we read this with great sadness, our prayers and good thoughts are heading your way. We know with your strength and positive attitude you will win this battle too!!!!
Mike/Kelly and Nana.
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Kelly O
Apr 07, 2007 at 13:29
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
I'll echo Mike's comments and let you know thanks for sharing. I watched the Oprah show the other day that said everyone was here for a reason - this could be your reason Barb, sharing with others, whether it helps them fight the fight or go for early diagnosis.
You know Nan is right by your side!
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Elliot's Kay
Apr 07, 2007 at 12:19
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
It feels like I've been sucker punched this morning by reading your post, Barb. I just can't imagine how YOU are feeling yourself. You are an amazing woman for your strength and honesty. The things you've shared with us do make an impact and has personally changed my mind on many things having to do with this dreadful disease. Your 'Stand up and Fight' attitude may just very well save a gal I work with.
Zoey was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with lung cancer. She told me she wouldn't have surgery or cancer treatments as many in her family had lost the battle with cancer and the surgeries and treatments just made the last months of their lives miserable. I use to think the same way until recent years. Your story of survival helped change my way of thinking. I've passed your 'attitude' along to Zoey telling her to think positive and to fight. She has agreed to go back and talk with her doctor about treatment options.
We love ya, lady! You'll have your army of terriers and their humans going to battle right along side of you.
Kay
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linda, mattie and zena
 
Apr 07, 2007 at 12:41
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
oh my, i am just stunned after this news and i am so sorry that you have another battle to fight but i know with your strength that you will get through this one also and i certainly pray this is the case. you are truly an amazing lady and i have to tell you that i printed off all your previous "mattress" entries and i did so thinking that if i or a loved one has to fight this fight also we could use them to draw inspiration from. myself and my two girls will certainly join in your fight- take care- l,m,z.
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Linda D
 
Apr 07, 2007 at 13:14
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Yet again, you are sharing yourself in such an unselfish manner. And so positive. You are truly an inspiration and I say that very humbly.
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Maria
Apr 07, 2007 at 13:19
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb, i know by reading your post that you are a very strong lady with good positive thoughts which in a way is a good start.
I have two biopsies and both where beneign. My next mammogram is June 21. I have two lumps and this worries me alot.This time is diferent, i'm alone with my son and just the thought of it makes me sometimes angry, mad, sad so many feelings. But you have giving me the courage i need.
I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.
Maria
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Nancy at Irving
Apr 07, 2007 at 13:22
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Thumbs up to you, Barb!
You're an inspiration to everyone! In my 'home visits'
to you last year I always departed feeling 'amazed' by your 'emotional strength'! It was a feeling that God was carrying you. And, now, from your lastest entries...
it's evident that He is tightly holding you in His arms once again! And your guardian angel in the form of the technician...is another gift from above! You are blessed,
indeed!
Take care,
Nancy at Irving
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john / irene Maxwell
Apr 07, 2007 at 13:25
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
It seems so unfair that you have to go through all that again barb we will be right there with you
john / irene Maxwell
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Cathy and Thistle
Apr 07, 2007 at 13:57
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb it is with great sadness that I read this news, but I also know that the attitude you had during your last ordeal is still with you and will carry you through yet again. My thoughts will be with you always.
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Mary's Gang
Apr 07, 2007 at 14:23
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
we are with you barb and all your terrier fighters.
What a shock to read the above and know you are at it again, but you will make it through one more time and we will be here to support you.
I lost my Mom to CGF and breast cancer and always wonder what I would do in the same situation. The waiting is the hard part, the rest a piece of cake...
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LAMBCHOP + NAN
Apr 07, 2007 at 14:57
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Hang in there Sweety..you are an inspiration to us all!!!!
Nan
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Sandi and MacGuyver
 
Apr 07, 2007 at 14:59
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Oh no...Barb, I started to cry reading your post. I am so sorry to hear this. I just know you will get through this too. We are here for you and MacGuyver is ready to do battle.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
love and hugs,
Sandi
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Peggy and Pack
Apr 07, 2007 at 17:40
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Our Prayer for You...
Dear Barb,
The Pack and I will continue to be your Prayer Warriors. I found this prayer today and thought I'd share.
Hugs,
Peggy and Pack
Father, for the strength you have given me I thank you. For the health you have blessed me with, I thank you. For the women who are going through breast cancer and their families I ask you to strengthen and to heal as you see fit. Lord we know you want us to be in good health and to prosper. Lord use us to do the work you have for us to do. For we know time is getting short on this earth. Lord be with every woman who is sick and encourage them as only you can. I know how faithful you are. You have shown yourself to be everything you say you are in your Holy Word. I praise you for you made this body and you can heal this body. In Jesus Name I pray.
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R gang
Apr 07, 2007 at 18:01
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb,
I am so glad you decided to go public with another Mattress entry. we cried together at your news earlier, and as I read your words here, the tears flow again.
I have always believed the Purpose of Life plan too. as you are a teacher by profession and a gifted writer, you have been given your next assignment. to educate us at TC and beyond that early detection is vital to conquer this dreaded disease. I am making my appointment on monday. and hopefully others will too.
R gang have their assignment too and will be at the Loyola curb once again. to kick that bastard cancer back in the gutter. all Terriers report to former stations as before.
Hugs
Fran and R gang
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Geri & Emma
Apr 07, 2007 at 18:48
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb- I am so so sorry. This is so not fair. You are too good a person for this but you will beat this. Emma and I are behind you all the way
Geri
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Bonnie and the Vermonsters
Apr 07, 2007 at 20:58
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb, I am so sorry to hear this. It is good news that it is not the same cancer AND that it was caught so early!
I am a mammography tech and my sister never had a mammogram until she felt a lump (she assumed she was not at risk because we had no family history and she wasn't "old enough". She had decided that she would start having mammograms when she was 50 - she had a mastectomy 3 days before her 50th birthday.
She is a VERY private person and considered not telling anyone "her business", but after thinking about it a bit, she did call several friends that were waiting until age 50 to start having mammograms also - she told them in no uncertain terms that they cannot wait any longer! She was resposible for an influx of about 18 Baseline mammograms in her hospital!!
I guess what I'm getting at Barb, is thank goodness you didn't put it off even after all you have been through, and Ladies, please follow Barb's example. An early find makes a huge difference!
I know no one likes mammograms - I'm told MANY times a day in no uncertain terms - but they are not as uncomfortable for most women as they used to be.
It breaks my heart when I see suspicious areas on the images and the woman has said "I'm much too busy to do this," or someone comes in for the first time at age 68 because she said all her friends told her it was terribly painful and she was afraid.
If it's usually painful for you, take some Tylenol or Advil (whatever you use for pain) first - it seems to help!
Please just have that mammogram!
Sorry, Barb - I didn't mean to blab so much. I just take any opportunity to remind people how important it is!
You will be in our thoughts and prayers here in Vermont!!
Bonnie and the Vermonsters
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Maureen, Hamish & Maddie
Apr 07, 2007 at 21:39
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Oh Barb, this is so unfair. My heart is with you and Hamish and Maddie are at the ready to stand by you.
Lots of love, Maureen xx
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Sue
Apr 07, 2007 at 21:50
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
MIM,
Like Fran, I thought I had digested this latest news, but I cried all over again reading it here. Barb, you are gifted in so many ways - with your writing, sense of humor, strength and courage - and to share those gifts God gave you is what He intended you to do. I admire you so much! Please know that you will be in my prayers.
Big hugs from your LM
XXXOOO
Terriers.....take your posts! It's curb kickin' time!
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FGM and Rags
Apr 09, 2007 at 09:07
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Thank You
Thank you all for your kind words and support. After I wrote that entry, I started to feel better already, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
We are getting ready to take a little ride down to The Lake of the Ozarks, MO, to visit with some family. It will be a nice change of scenery. Rags is going too, and is wondering what is going on with suitcases in the living room! She had a great time last year, chasing ducks and barking at fish. She did get a little carsick in the hills, but this time we have medicine for that!
Sparkle kisses
FGM and Rags
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Linda Philippon
Apr 09, 2007 at 13:08
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Re: Thank You
Hi Barb:
Glad you are getting away for a while. I am praying for you as always and with your determination which you have proven fantastically, you will get through this next battle.
I agree - you are a fighter and it sounds like the early stages, so go get 'em!
Linda
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ED
Apr 09, 2007 at 10:59
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Well damn! That just about bites worse than anything on the planet. My heart breaks to hear about it, Barb. Hugs, prayers and as much courage as we can send on wishes coming your way.
I'm so glad it was discovered early. After what you've been through, you know how to deal with this crap and you know not to let it bully you.
We're terriers. We attack first and ask questions later.
ED stands at the ready. Just say the word.
Hang tough, baby.
ED and mary alice
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D Gang
Apr 09, 2007 at 11:50
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
FGM you are a true inspriation! Such strength and fortitude. (((BIG HUG)))
Can they do a mamosite catheter radiation instead of conventional?? Doesn't hurt to ask! The radiation treatment for the breast, believe it or not is easier than the one you went through. This will be a walk in the park for you! Hang in there!!
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Cheryl
Apr 09, 2007 at 13:06
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Oh Barb,
I am so shocked and so sad that you have to fight this beast again. It's just not fair!
Time to put that sunflower hat on again (you still have it?) and know that I am with you all the way. Please write to me or call if you need to vent.
Roo and I send our love and prayers. he says to tell you that he's already practicing his barking and fierce looking faces so he can help kick the bastard to the curb, and then into the gutter, and down the sewer, never to be heard from again.
We love you dearly,
Cheryl
P.S. Enjoy the Ozarks -- soak up its beauty and peace!!! XXOO
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Casey
Apr 09, 2007 at 16:05
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb, I am shocked and very sad to hear this news from you. On the other paw, it's good to know that your first cancer has not spread, and that your breast cancer has been caught early.
Casey and Lance have their kilts ready and are sharpening their swords in preparation to join the Terrier Warriors.
I wish you all the best and admire you so much for your strength. Thank you for sharing such a personal issue with us, I'll be booking my mamagram tomorrow.
hugs and love, Theo, Casey and Lance xox
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Toby and the Wigglebutts
Apr 10, 2007 at 09:58
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
What can we say Barb.....they say He only gives you what you can handle. You must be one awesome lady, for He chooses you to give the message to help others!!!!!!
We're behind you all the way!!!!!
Hugs,
Carol and the Wigglebutts
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Lily, Sir William & Boomer
Apr 10, 2007 at 13:38
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Oh Barb, this is the first time I have read the Adventure Forum and needless to say, I am so very saddened by this news. I was reading it to Allen and choking on my tears as I read it aloud. You don't deserve to be going through this again, but as you said the Rules of Life are not fair. On the good side, this is not a recurrence of your previous Cancer, but an easier type to treat.
You definitely have a purpose to life and as you have requested, I will also be making an appointment for that dreaded Mammogram that I have been putting off for a year or two. So your words have made an impact already.
I want you to know that our Westies 3 will be putting on the armour and getting ready to report to battle against that dreaded Cancer! Chasing it away for ever this time!!!
Barb, our prayers are with you and we know with your spirit, this too shall pass. Please continue sharing your thoughts with us...
Linda & Allen
Lily, Sir William & Boomer
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Tracy & 3 Dog Night
Apr 10, 2007 at 14:42
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb,
I'm so sad to hear this.
I'm praying for you, friend.
You are truly an amazing woman.
Love,
Tracy
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Jackie, Sammy & Willie
Apr 10, 2007 at 15:08
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb,
We are so very sorry to hear this latest news.
You are most certainly in our prayers and thoughts...and will continue till this battle is won.
((Hugs)) & Lots of Prayers,
Jackie, Sammy & Willie
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Kayla and Annie's Mom
Apr 10, 2007 at 16:49
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb, we are very sorry to her this!!! Kayla, Annie and I are with you all the way. Prayers from Virginia are heading out to you. Don't hesitate to call or send messages any time!!!! And keep us updated on your progress. WE terriers and families stand at the ready to join the battle!!!
Mary Ann
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Jeanie, Jolly & Hattie
Apr 10, 2007 at 22:02
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
We are with you all the way, Barb. You are such an amazing lady. We will all beat this again....TOGETHER!
Love and hugs,
Jeane, Jolly & Hattie
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Jeni, Bonnie and Flora
Apr 18, 2007 at 18:15
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Re: Back to the Mattresses
Barb, we're so sorry to hear this news. The terrier girls from downunder are at the ready, and I send you encouragement and best thoughts.
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